Self-harm is often a desperate attempt to cope with overwhelming emotions, a painful secret for many. Self-harm is not about seeking attention but a maladaptive coping mechanism for deep emotional pain, numbness, or a need for control.
While the urge is powerful, there are safer, healthier ways to manage these feelings. In this article, I explore why self-harm happens and provide a toolkit of alternative strategies. Remember, healing is a path, not a destination.
There are ways to make urges to self-harm less dangerous right now and, over time, to replace self-harm with healthier coping skills. If you are in immediate danger or thinking about suicide, contact the suicide and crisis hotline. You can call or text 988, or use online chat at 988lifeline.org, 24/7 for free, confidential support.
If you are not in immediate danger but still have strong urges, reduce access to high‑risk tools (move them out of your room, and ask someone you trust to store or dispose of them).
If you do self-injure, basic harm-reduction steps include cleaning tools, treating wounds promptly, and not being alone while you work toward stopping completely.
3 Fast Alternatives When Urges Spike
Self-harm often functions as a quick way to regulate unbearable emotion, so alternatives that are intense, physical, or sensory can help ride out the wave. The goal is not perfection, but buying time until the urge passes. Try these choices when urges are strong:
- Intense movement: To discharge anger, run in place, fast walk, punch the air or a pillow, or do pushups or jumping jacks.
- Strong sensations without injury: Hold ice cubes, take a very cold or very warm (safe) shower, eat something spicy or sour, or snap a rubber band on your wrist if that feels safer than cutting.
- Grounding and distraction: Watch a comedy show, call or text someone, do a simple task (sorting, folding laundry), play with a pet, or engage in a hobby until the urge peaks.
Understanding the “Why”: The Function of Self-Harm
Identify what needs self-harm fulfills among the following emotional functions [1]:
- Releasing Overwhelm: To express pain that feels too big for words (sadness, anger, shame).
- Countering Numbness: To feel something when feeling disconnected or empty.
- Punishing the Self: For those struggling with self-loathing or guilt.
- Regaining Control: In situations of chaos or trauma, self-harm can feel like a way to control one’s own body and pain.
Recognizing your personal ‘why’ is the first step toward finding a substitute that addresses the same need without causing harm.
Harm Reduction: Doing Safer Alternatives
Harm reduction begins where you are at. The goal is to reduce the risk and severity, even if you’re not yet ready to stop completely. Using a safer alternative is a victory. It builds self-trust and creates space for healing. Different strategies work for different urges (e.g., for anger vs. numbness).
The Alternatives Toolkit: 11 Strategies for Different Urges
Here are strategies you can use depending on the situation and type of urge [1]:
For Overwhelm and Intense Emotion (Need to Release)
- Physical & Sensory: Intense exercise (sprinting, push-ups), squeezing ice cubes, snapping a rubber band on the wrist, holding a frozen orange.
- Creative Expression: Scribbling violently on paper, tearing magazines, pounding clay or dough, writing out the pain, and then shredding the paper.
- Soothe the Nervous System: Controlled breathing (4-7-8 technique), paced breathing.
For Numbness & Disconnection (Need to Feel)
- Strong Sensory Input: Sucking a lemon, holding something very cold or warm (not dangerous), smelling strong peppermint or vinegar, taking a very cold shower.
- Grounding Techniques: The “5-4-3-2-1” method (name 5 things you see, 4 you feel, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, and 1 you taste). Focus on tactile objects.
- Engagement: Call a friend and describe an object in detail, listen to loud music, or dance.
For Self-Punishment and Anger (Need to Redirect)
- Physical Redirect: Stomping on cardboard boxes, screaming into a pillow, ripping up old phone books.
- Compassionate Action: Writing a letter to yourself as if you were a hurting friend. Practice self-kindness, even if it feels forced (e.g., “This is really hard right now.”).
- Symbolic Release: Drawing on the area you want to harm with a red marker, painting on skin with safe body paint.
Delay and Distract (The First Line of Defense)
- The 15-Minute Rule: Make yourself wait 15 minutes and use a distraction first (watch a video, play a game, or tidy a shelf).
- Urge Surfing: Visualize the urge as a wave that peaks and then subsides; observe it without acting.
Building a Long-Term Foundation: Beyond the Immediate Urge
Long-term healing involves both being prepared in advance of an urge and dealing with underlying issues. Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is especially effective.
Develop a Brief Safety Plan
Having a written plan makes it easier to act on coping instead of on urges. It may include:
- Triggers and early warning signs: Situations, thoughts, or body sensations that usually come before you want to hurt yourself. “When I notice these signs, I have 3–5 specific actions I can take, such as texting X, holding ice for 5 minutes, or going outside to walk once around the block.”
- People and places: Include names and numbers of supportive people, plus local crisis lines and 9-8-8.
- Environmental safety: List what you will do with tools or substances when urges are above a certain level (for example, “If my urge is 7/10 or higher, I will give tools to X or leave the house”).
Practice Daily Self-Care
- Reduce the frequency of overwhelming urges by developing emotional resilience with regular sleep, nutrition, and gentle movement.
Connect Safely
- If possible, list one trusted person you can text when the urge is strong.
DBT Skills for Longer‑term Change
Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) is one of the most evidence-informed approaches for chronic self-harm and emotion dysregulation. It combines acceptance of your current struggles with structured skills to change how you cope.
Key DBT skill areas that directly target self-harm [2][3]:
- Distress tolerance: Crisis survival strategies like distraction, using the ACCEPTS model, a set of seven skills in DBT used for distress tolerance. Learning to do self‑soothing with the five senses, grounding, and “improving the moment” helps you get through intense emotions without acting on urges.
- Emotion regulation: Learn to name emotions, reduce vulnerability (sleep, food, substances), and use opposite action so that self-harm is not the default response to shame, anger, or emptiness.
- Mindfulness and interpersonal effectiveness: Becoming more aware of urges as mental events, not commands, and improving relationships so self-harm is less needed, as communication can be very effective.
If possible, look for a clinician or program offering DBT-informed or full DBT for self-harm.
Finding Support for Healing at Corner Canyon
Treatment for mental health conditions and trauma is available in Utah. Are you or a loved one looking for a compassionate space to heal from anxiety, trauma, PTSD, CPTSD, other mental health conditions, or addictions? Our licensed trauma-informed professional therapists and counselors at Corner Canyon Health Centers can provide compassionate help using a range of therapeutic and holistic techniques.
Reach out to our Admissions team now at Corner Canyon. We’re in a peaceful setting bordered by the beautiful Wasatch Mountains.
Sources
[1] Raypole C. 2024. Coping Strategies When You Feel Like Self-Harming. Healthline.com
[2] Intentional Outcomes Counselling. nd. DBT and Self-Harm: Finding Compassion and Healing
[3] Lifeskills Behavioral Health. 2024. The Power of DBT: 4 Core Skills to Overcome Self-Harm.