Narcissism has become a buzzword in our social media obsessed world. We may commonly think of a narcissist as someone who has an inflated sense of self-importance, a deep need for admiration, selfishness, a lack of empathy, and is obsessed with their Insta account, posting selfies in flattering poses.
But narcissism is much more complex and not necessarily what is commonly portrayed. Read on to learn more about this mental health condition and the forms it can take.
What Are Symptoms of Narcissism?
Not everyone who has narcissistic traits has Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). But NPD is formally diagnosed when a person meets five or more of the following criteria from the DSM-5 TR, the manual clinicians use to make diagnoses [1] [2]. The disorder is found in 1%–2% of the general population.
| Grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g. exaggerates achievements and talents) | Preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love |
| Beliefs of being special and unique | Need for excessive admiration |
| Sense of entitlement | Lack of empathy |
| Taking advantage of others for personal gain | Often envious of others or believes that others are envious of them. |
| Arrogant and haughty behaviours or attitudes |
While we most commonly associate narcissism with grandiosity, there is an equally important dimension: vulnerability and low self-esteem, and the alternation between this state and grandiosity.
The seemingly inflated self-concept conceals a fragile sense of self. The narcissistic traits serve as protective mechanisms against deep-seated insecurity and shame that generally develop in childhood.
People with NPD appear self-absorbed. However, their self-love is directed at an idealized self-image, hiding deep-seated insecurities. Maintaining this illusion requires constant effort, which leads to narcissism’s dysfunctional characteristics [3].
Narcissists feel superior, fantasizing about personal successes, and believing they deserve special treatment. When they feel humiliated, narcissists are prone to lashing out aggressively or even violently. They are also at increased risk for mental health problems, including drug addiction, depression, and anxiety [4].
People diagnosed as having NPD experience elevated distress, cause more pain to others, and have a lower quality of life than those without the disorder. Treatments for patients with this disorder are challenging. Patients with the disorder tend to improve slowly and gradually, and rapid improvements have not been documented [5].
Examples of Narcissism: How It Looks in Daily Life
The following illustrate many of the elements of a narcissistic personality, emphasizing the grandiosity dimension with which we are more familiar.
Excessive Need for Admiration
- A coworker constantly fishes for compliments, gets upset when not praised, or brags about minor achievements as if they’re extraordinary. They may dominate conversations, steering them back to their own accomplishments.
Lacks Empathy
- Without showing concern, saying, “What’s the matter with you? That’s nothing compared to what I’ve been through”, someone you know dismisses your struggles and shifts the conversation to their issues.
Feeling Like They Are Entitled
- Without consideration of others, a friend expects special treatment like getting the best seat at a concert. They might get angry, believing rules don’t apply to them if others don’t cater to their demands.
Being Manipulative
- Using excessive flattery and affection to control you, your romantic partner may be highly manipulative by charming people to get favors, then discarding them when no longer useful.
Exaggerated Self-Image
- A person you know claims to be an expert in everything, despite having little knowledge. In their grandiosity, they may name-drop, lie about achievements, or belittle others to appear superior.
Envy With the Belief Others Are Jealous of Them
- Despite a lack of evidence, a narcissistic person assumes coworkers are envious of their success. To maintain their own inflated self-image they may put others down.
Difficulty Dealing With Criticism
- Blaming others instead of reflecting, a manager flies into a rage when given constructive feedback. When challenged, they may respond with defensiveness, silent treatment, or retaliation.
Superficial Relationships
- Showing little interest in your life otherwise, a narcissistic friend only reaches out when they need something. People are valued for what they can provide in the form of attention, favors, or status, as their relationships are often transactional.
Gaslighting (Making Others Doubt Their Reality)
- Insisting, “You’re too sensitive, that never happened” a romantic partner denies saying hurtful things. To avoid accountability, they twist facts, leaving others confused and self-doubting.
Extreme Reactions to Perceived Slights
- A narcissistic person holds grudges over small issues but expects instant forgiveness for their own mistakes. They give the silent treatment for days because they felt “disrespected” by a minor comment.
Is Narcissism A Learned Behavior?
Narcissistic personalities have complex roots combining a number of factors. Thus, many roads may lead to the development of NPD, and patients with similar clinical characteristics may have different histories.
Involving both nature (genetics) and nurture (environment/upbringing), the answer is complex. While some narcissistic traits may be learned or reinforced through life experiences, there is also a biological predisposition in some individuals.
How Narcissism Can Be Learned (Environmental Factors)
Current research suggests there are multiple pathways for maladaptive perfectionism and pathological narcissism, including NPD as an adaptation to [5]:
- Neglectful parenting (emotional neglect, lack of warmth, rejection, childhood maltreatment) through overreliance on self.
- As an effort to protect unrealistic self-esteem (overvaluation by parents, lenient discipline, overprotective parenting) against disappointment.
- As a compensation for humiliating and abusive interactions (emotional, physical, or sexual abuse and/or parental criticism).
Parenting Styles
Overvaluation (Spoiling): Excessive praise to children for minor achievements, ”special” treatment, or unrealistic feedback may give rise to grandiose narcissism with a sense of entitlement and superiority [4].
Emotional Coldness or Neglect: Children may develop vulnerable narcissism if they have received little emotional validation. Craving admiration to fill inner emptiness, they may be insecure but self-absorbed.
Inconsistent Parenting: Excessive praise alternating with harsh criticism may result in a fragile self-image, leading to narcissistic defenses.
Social and Cultural Reinforcement
Celebrity Culture and Social Media: Self-promotion, vanity, and instant validation in the culture reinforce Narcissistic tendencies [6].
Materialistic Values: Narcissistic traits are rewarded in societies that prioritize status, wealth, and appearance over empathy.
Trauma or Emotional Abuse
To cope with feelings of worthlessness, some narcissists develop their traits as a defense mechanism—such as with an emotionally neglected child who learns to self-inflate [3].
Biological and Genetic Factors
According to studies of twins, genetics plays a role, as narcissistic traits show a 30%-60% heritability. Differences in narcissists’ empathy-related brain regions in scans suggest there may be some innate wiring differences.
Is Narcissism Fully Learned?
No. Despite upbringing and environment shaping narcissistic behaviors, not everyone with these influences becomes narcissistic. While some people respond to overpraising by becoming entitled, others stay humble. Most likely there is an interaction between genes and environment.
Can Learned Narcissism Be Unlearned?
- Grandiose narcissists (overtly arrogant, entitled) rarely seek change unless forced (e.g., losing relationships/jobs).
- Vulnerable narcissists (insecure, hypersensitive) may be more open to therapy if they recognize their struggles.
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) can help modify narcissistic behaviors, but true personality change is difficult.
Narcissism is partially learned (through parenting, culture, trauma) but also influenced by genetics. While environment plays a key role, not everyone exposed to narcissism-inducing conditions develops it—suggesting an interplay of nature and nurture.
Understanding What Pathological Narcissism Is
Pathological narcissism is defined as pervasive and consistent difficulty maintaining realistic self-esteem that, at its extreme, manifests as NPD. NPD is a pattern that harms relationships. True narcissists rarely seek help unless their image is threatened. People with NPD have difficulty learning from experience. This difficulty is an important barrier to treatment [5].
NPD is associated with specific difficulties related to:
- Self-esteem regulation
- Emotion regulation
- Cognitive processing
- Interpersonal style
- Empathy
Although these areas are partially independent of each other, they influence each other. This requires clinicians to attend to all areas of functioning and to their interdependence. In treatment, it is essential to address all these areas as well as their complex interrelationships [5].
The 5 Different Kinds of Narcissism
Five different types of narcissism have been observed, as Heather Hayes so clearly explained [3]:
Grandiose Narcissism
- An exaggerated sense of self-importance often seeking admiration and believing they are superior to others.
- Possibly charismatic but also may be arrogant, exploitative, and lacking in empathy.
Vulnerable Narcissism
- Having low self-esteem and hypersensitive to criticism and rejection.
- May appear shy or introverted, but with a strong need for validation.
- Often defensive.
Malignant Narcissism
- Both narcissistic with antisocial behavior and psychopathy.
- May be manipulative, aggressive, and even sadistic.
- Lacking empathy, with a desire for power and control.
- Willingness to harm others.
Communal Narcissism
- Seek validation through helping and supporting others
- Often take on the role of caregivers or martyrs.
- Expect gratitude and admiration for their selflessness.
Covert Narcissism:
- Hide their narcissistic traits beneath a façade of humility and selflessness.
- Present as modest and self-effacing, but underneath still have a strong need for validation and admiration.
Codependency and Narcissism
Paradoxically, codependency and narcissism share deep connections since both are based in wounds of childhood attachment and involve unhealthy patterns of relatedness. Together, both can create toxic dynamics. This is especially so when a codependent person bonds with a narcissist and they mirror each other’s wounds.
Codependents feel “not good enough”. They look for validation through caretaking. Narcissists mask shame with grandiosity and may find codependents a ready target. A toxic but stable dynamic is created with narcissists who exploit codependents’ people-pleasing tendencies.
How to Deal With Someone With Narcissism
Here are four approaches to the challenge of dealing with someone with narcissism:
- Establish Clear Limits: Refuse to feed their need for admiration or tolerate mistreatment.
- Disengage From Debates: Narcissists frequently twist discussions to come out on top.
- Maintain Perspective: Their actions reveal their inner struggles, not your worth.
- Prioritize Self-Care: Protect your emotional energy by limiting interactions when needed.
Get Help at Corner Canyon Health Center
Treatment for mental health conditions and trauma is available in Utah. Are you or a loved one looking for a compassionate space to heal from anxiety, trauma, PTSD, CPTSD, other mental health conditions, or addictions? Our licensed trauma-informed professional therapists and counselors at Corner Canyon Health Centers can provide compassionate help using a range of therapeutic and holistic techniques.
Reach out to our Admissions team now at Corner Canyon. We’re in a peaceful setting bordered by the beautiful Wasatch Mountains.
Sources
[1] American Psychiatry Association. 2024. What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
[2] Canadian Psychological Association. 2025. PSYCHOLOGY WORKS Fact Sheet: Narcissism.
[3] Hayes H. 2023. The Link Between Early Trauma and Narcissistic Personality Disorder. heatherhayes.com
[4] Brummelman, E., et al. 2015. Origins of narcissism in children. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. Vol. 112. No. 12 March 24, 2015
[5] Weinberg, I., & Ronningstam, E. (2022). Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Progress in Understanding and Treatment. Focus (American Psychiatric Publishing), 20(4), 368–377.
[6] Andreassen CS, et al.2017. The relationship between addictive use of social media, narcissism, and self-esteem: Findings from a large national survey. Addict Behav. 2017 Jan;64:287-293.
